Beer is the Reason: Calculator Jokes

Beer is the Reason: turn back that flux capacitor to 1984!

because I'm in the mood for some cool jokes(for five year olds)!

In nineteen 69 Dolly Partons Doctor said her Tits were 2 2 2 Big. So he gave her 51 Pills to take 8 Times a day, and when she woke up in the morning she became BOOBLESS.

A nineteen-year-old boy (19) and a nineteen-year-old girl (1919) got together in Room 18 (191918) for half an hour (191918.5). They did it twice (191918.5 x 2). What did they get? 383837

They did it three more times (383837 +3). What did they say afterwards? 383840

Hur hur hur.

Those were the raunchy ones. Go here for some nerdy ones.

This blog has been brought to you unofficially by >>>> Light.

Beer is the Reason: HBC Olympic gear...FAIL!

Beer is the reason: HBC execs don't have a supply contingency for popular Olympic gear

HBC: Red into Gold!
http://www.ctvolympics.ca/news-centre/newsid=48285.html#marketing+red+turns+into+gold

Fools Gold more like it! Sure it makes sense to send all remaining stock to Vancouver, we don't want HBC Van to look understocked with swag but there has not been ANY of the popular items in all of T.O. for over a week at HBC and Zellers and guess what, HBC employees have said that no new stock was expected, except Hockey sweaters/jerseys. WTF. Team Canada Hockey gear can be found every single f'ing year! Team Canada Olympic gear for an Olympic HOSTED in CANADA and there's not enough for the entire country from a company founded in Canada??! FAIL HBC! FAIL!

Oh and CTVOLYMPICS.CA won't let me register to post that comment. YOU FAIL TOO CTVOLYMPICS!

This post has been unofficially brought to you by the beer of the Olympics.

Beer is the Reason: Hahaha! WTH Health Canada!!? NSFW

Beer is the Reason: The Sperminator.

Health Canada's flash game to teach "mature" teens on sex safety. Bunch of questions and if you answer wrong you get....um...jizzed on.

http://www.healthunit.com/sectionList.aspx?sectionID=378


This post has been brought to you but whatever it was that HC was drinking I want some! LOL!!!

Beer is the Reason: Men's Mogul GOLD!

Woohoo! Great run for Alexandre Bilodeau! Vindication against that evil bastard Dale Begg Smith! Go Canada!

So glad Dale didn't win. Don't really mind that he now ski's for another country but the fact that he made millions by being a king of malware. So SUCK IT DBS! Go Bilodeau! Wooo!!!!!!!

Drink up tonight y'all!

Beer is the reason: Olympics...watching sports I would never otherwise watch

Beer is the reason: for non-mainstream sports.

Go Canada! Go Heil! Go half Canadian Mogul winner!(You suck!) Nah just kidding. Kramer did a great job coming down that hill, so I can't fault her for winning but damn I wanted Heil to win. Oh wait, she did. She won Silver. A truly positive spin on a good outcome. She's truly Canadian, humble and positive but you know what it's not Canada's medal. It's your medal and we all bask it your accomplishment but it's not enough. Canada's medal will be when one of our athletes win's Gold on home turf. We wanted it to be you Jen but it didn't happen.

Neither did it in Short track speed skating. That's another sport I wouldn't watch regularly. Love boarding down the mountains, I like skating but if I ever say these events on tv would I pause to watch them? Not likely. But here in Olympic mania these events become awesome. Full day of events and I practically sat glued to the tv. Watching a Canadian and a 1/2 climb the women's Mogul podium was great but the greatest thrill? Short track speed skating men's final. Three Koreans, two Americans, a couple others and the Canadian. I don't care what the commentators were saying but it sure looked like the Koreans were racing as a team for the better part of the race, which is strictly forbodden, until the end. It was a commanding 1-2-3 placement until the last turn. One of them tried to cut in the inside and BAM! CONTACT! Two go down and the Americans(followed by the Canadian) suddenly get on the podium with the silver and bronze. Never saw that coming. It just became interesting.

Can't wait for Curling.

So go Olympic sports! Sports that no one cares about for every four years until you show! Raise the awareness of these sports and bask in the glory! For you have 16 days of action until your next 4 your hiatus.

This has been unofficially brought to you by Lager. Drink up!

Beer is the Reason: Word plays

Beer is the Reason: English is a fluid language.

So last night I was chilling with a bunch of friends over a few beers when we got to discussing long distance relationships. Blah blah blah....and somebody says, "that's so gay". Bam! One of us takes offense to that. She immediately wants him to clarify what he means by using that word in that manner. This leads to discussions of how the word isn't used to denigrate gay people but as a synonyms to mean lame. This lead to the argument that gay people would find that offensive but the counterpoint was gay people have been known to call things gay, in a derogatory way, themselves. Gay in old english originally meant nice, which has been appropriated to mean two male partners to now being known as lame, sorta. It's an interesting phenomenon. The discussion then went to how the word "nice" used to refer to ladies of the night to now mean ...nice. How "terrific" used to be Terror-fying or how "awesome" was slackjawed agape faces....etc etc etc. So is there any other current words that have originally meant one thing to have been appropriated to mean something else. I'm sure there's lots. Nigga' doesn't count, too easy. Nice try though.

Obviously I've got no scientific research to back any of this up, all of this heard from drunken people so could be complete and utter BS. Oh and it's marketing fault that there's a new dictionary every year. Business wise I understand why they would do that otherwise why/how could they stay in business? It's a dictionary!

I'm just awaiting works like Fuck-tards or Unfriend or other stupid internet words to make it into.....

Oh wait, they have. We're all doomed.

This blog has unofficially been brought to you by Tankhouse and Indian Pale Ale.

Beer is the reason: Principal's Awesome letter! PTA sucks!

Beer is the reason: Principal getting screwed by teacher.

For once someone is calling it like they see it. So instead of being all PC about children being fragile little things, the principal writes a joke letter and since a stupid or vindictive teacher sends it home and guess what a "helicopter" parent gets it and brings the crazy wroth of the PTA stay at home lazy ass parents on him. Let's put it in perspective, if your kid is stupid they should be in a general school. If your has a disability, say nut allergy or some disorder, then deal with it. Why should the rest of the class be held back because they need to be accommodated? Once they're out of school they're screwed. I'm eating my PB&J sandwich in their face if they sit beside me and I won't move. Go crying home to mama wussy boy.

This is why we need more Sue Sylvesters in real life.

"Dear Parents,

Turn off the TV for once and pay attention.

Regarding math:

The math we do is really easy. If your child is either too lazy or too stupid to finish it in class, I'm sending it home so that you can work with them and judge for yourself whether it is laziness or idiocy that inhibits your child's progress. We do part of it in class. How on earth they can NOT finish it is beyond me, but please help them with the part that we do NOT do in class. If your child is one of the mediocre few who excels on the homework, please congratulate them with a warm handshake or perhaps a halfhearted high-five, since finishing this homework is the equivalent of a twenty-year-old wanting to be congratulated for knowing how to tie his shoes.

Regarding Field trip lunches:
We have a peanut allergy in our room and a few in second grade in general. Because of this, everyone must eat nut-free foods. We also have a child who is mourning their puppy who got run over last week by a garbage truck, so we ask that no one wear anything resembling puppy fur, or that is red and flat. Further, one of our students has a nervous tick that causes him to slap himself in face several times a minute. In order to help this child not feel conspicuous, we ask that your child imitate a crazed masochist for the length of this field trip."

This post has been unofficially brought to you by how Ron Sterr "C"'s it.

Beer is teh reason: Message from the future: iPhone

Beer is the reason: Make it so!

Captain Jean-Luc Picard uses an iPhone for the future betterment of mankind and the Federation.

Why don't you?